Yesterday I blogged on receiving the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition in my mailbox against my will, and how this surprise really set me on edge, due to my past issues with pornography. The blog I wrote was an emotional response to this surprise seduction, a seduction that sends my marriage, my ministry, and my entire life teetering on the edge of ruin. I’m not going to take down the blog post (though I did change the wording of it, which I posted about here), because in that moment of temptation, those emotions were real and were what was needed for escape from ruin. Like a near-miss of a fatal car accident, I’m still a little jarred by the experience.
When I visit someone in prison, I always feel immense compassion for all of the inmates. The crimes they’ve committed do not phase me, I am only struck with compassion and sympathy that they have to sit in these cells day in and day out, captive. I want them to know they are loved, I want them to know Jesus, I want them to know God offers forgiveness and still has a great purpose for their lives.
If one of these inmates were breaking into my home and attempting to rape my wife, you can guarantee that my response toward him would be drastically different. I would do whatever necessary to stop the man and I would call him the only term applicable to his current behavior: a monster.
Do I think this man is a monster? No. But does it feel that way in that moment? Yes. This man needs Jesus and I’m sure the men I see in the prisons I walk through have done equally evil things, and my heart still breaks for them, outside of the moment of crime/crisis.
My heart breaks for the women (and men) who are models in the pornography business. I do not think Christians should call them whores. They likely are not Christians are thus we cannot expect them to live up to the sexual standards of the Bible, thus should not judge them accordingly. Though if I were to literally sleep with one of them, most agree my wife would be justified in calling that woman a whore (and me a whore as well), which is the emotional, personal, life-on-the-brink-of-shattering heart of what I was trying to communicate in my previous post. To many the swimsuit edition is just a magazine; for me it is life or death. But what I wrote about those women in their temptress seduction “outfits” printed on those glossy pages sitting at my doorstep is not the heart I have, or Christians should have, in general toward the actual women themselves. Here is an excerpt from my book that I think explains this concept well:
(this book excerpt will conclude this blog post, so I wanted to make sure I posted this now…check out xxxchurch.com’s ministry to the porn industry at http://www.xxxchurch.com/theindustry/ –it is pretty amazing and a great picture of a hands-on Christ-like response to these men and women in dire need of Jesus’ grace)
If you look at porn, it conditions you to look at real women the same way you look at the costumed women in porn. But if you learn to look at women in real life as real women, not as objects but as moms, wives, and daughters (a.k.a. people!), you will start to consider the women in pornography in similar ways.
They also are moms, wives (or potential wives), and daughters, and their nudity is not meant for us. It is meant for the private sector with a husband who is in a marriage relationship with them where the trust and commitment needed to fully support the vulnerability of transparency of being naked together is present. Yes they are dressed up in costumes, as actresses playing a role, covering who they really are (ironic that their nudity is a costume), but it doesn’t change this truth.
If a women dresses up in a hamburger costume, it doesn’t change the fact that she is still a woman and not actually a hamburger. Yes, they are asking you to look at them and they are profiting from it, but it doesn’t change this truth. Instead of caving to their desires, we should have compassion for the men and women who feel the need to expose themselves in this way. We should have compassion and be sad that they are so insecure about who they are that they need to seek out their identity and value by chasing this type of approval from people. They are ignorant about the value they have as image-bearers of God so they treat their sacred essence as common, trivial, and worthless. When we lust over them, we are supporting and perpetuating the false and degrading concept of who they are.
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The next time you see someone exposing themselves sexually, whether it’s in real life, in memories of past exposure to pornography, or on a billboard, rather than lusting over them, take time to pray for them. Pray that they will find the love of Jesus and that it will fill them up so they won’t need to seek their validation by stripping their clothes off any longer. It is difficult to harbor lustful hamburger-like thoughts for someone you are sincerely praying for.
There is a block in my neighborhood where prostitutes frequently hang out, looking for business. My heart breaks for these women and I pray for them whenever I see them. I have zero attraction to them because the reality of their plight is so obvious. I know they are most likely addicted to serious drugs and that their lonely lives are devoid of meaning and value. It’s easy to pray for these women and not be swept up by their seduction.
As I reflect on these prostitutes’ situations, I realize it’s not much different than the women who are pictured on the covers of the pornographic magazines, swimsuit editions, and provocative billboards that I am drawn in by. The biggest difference is that the models I’m attracted to are in better physical condition than the women in my neighborhood, and they have a lot more makeup, lighting, and help from photo editing software to pretty them up. While the physical appearance is different, the basic reality is the same: all of these women are empty and looking to sex to give them their sense of value and purpose. They are all worshiping money (and/or drugs) as their savior and are doing what is necessary to capture it. And most importantly, all of them desperately need Jesus’ love and affirmation in their lives. The way they flaunt their bodies is simply the symptom of their sickness.
When I see things this way, the way things really are, my heart breaks for these women, my spirit goes out to them, and the attraction fades into the sadness of what these women are truly doing to themselves. For me to feel pleasure from these women’s spiritual sickness is equivalent to feeling pleasure from someone’s physical sickness;
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Take a moment to pray with me today for the models on the pages of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition, that they will see the wholeness they can have in the grace and forgiveness of Jesus, and that they will realize the sacredness God created into their bodies, sacredness designed for an intimacy of one, not of millions. Pray that they will find this intimacy, both with God and with a husband, and that they will realize this gift is something greater than anything our world has to offer.
He is:
Author of Beyond the Battle: A man's guide to his identity in Christ in an oversexualized world
Host of the The Flip Side Podcast
Join an online men's small group led by Noah and team at BeyondTheBattle.net
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Praying for them and for us.
Thank you Brian; a good reminder to me to re-ignite my prayer for them
I watched the linked video. I love subversive it is to Satan’s work.