I teach and preach about the grace of Jesus.
About the freedom it brings.
I then say “follow me as I follow Christ.”
Yet for those who’ve been around me a while, I don’t think they’d describe my life as one marked by freedom.
I think I’d be characterized as someone with a burning passion to reach people for Jesus, to see people receive his grace. But this passion drives me to something that is the opposite of what grace offers.
It’s as if I feel I need to pay God back for all He’s done for me. Whereas grace says we can never pay God back, thus we need his grace. Nor do we need to pay him back, because that’s what grace is for.
It’s as if I feel God needs me to save these people, and needs me to help these people. As if I’m the changing agent. Whereas grace says that I need God, not the other way around. And these people need God, they don’t need me.
It’s as if I feel I need to produce certain quantifiable results to have value as a pastor. Whereas grace says there is nothing I can do to make God love me more than He already does, or less than He already does.
I want to make my Father happy. My Father says He’s already happy with me. The harder I try, it only proves how little I believe this.
I preach about grace. Then frantically stress about every technical glitch and volunteer lapse that happens during the morning worship services. As if grace isn’t sufficient. As if an accurate PowerPoint slide or a functioning sound system changes hearts.
As if God needs me.
And needs me to be perfect.
And needs me to achieve.
This is the opposite of grace.
I know the truths about grace. You probably do too. This is the limitation of preaching. You can hear a truth, but how do you live it? How do you let it sink deep into your soul so that it becomes your operating system?
My hope is to intentionally saturate myself (and this blog) with grace this week. 
What would it look like if everything you or I did, said, and thought was dripping with the grace of Jesus? What would the next 24 hours look like if you did this?
What would the next hour look like if you did this?
The next 10 minutes?
Showing others and living in the undeserved grace given to us by a perfect and holy God.
A grace that is sufficient for us.
A grace whose power is made perfect in weakness.
A grace that flows over me, even when I function otherwise.
Related posts:
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Author of Beyond the Battle: A man's guide to his identity in Christ in an oversexualized world
Host of the The Flip Side Podcast
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“You can hear a truth, but how do you live it? How do you let it sink deep into your soul so that it becomes your operating system?”
How do you experience grace? Reading your post, it’s a 2×4 to the soul. I go to church and believe in God and His grace like I believe in His omnipotence and omniscience, y’know a part of His character, something you believe’s true. But your post challenges me, this:
“What would it look like if everything you or I did, said, and thought was dripping with the grace of Jesus? What would the next 24 hours look like if you did this? What would the next hour look like if you did this? The next 10 minutes?”
I think I’m screwing up at grace but reading your post I can’t, and I know that but I’m not living it. A lot to think about here. Great post.
Hi Justin, thanks for the comment! I wrote this article around 3 years ago so it was interesting to go back through and re-read it. I remember that being an intense season in my life where I was really struggling with feeling I needed to earn God’s approval. I praise God for some of the freedom he has shown me in that area. I still have my struggles with it for sure, but praise him for the growth. Ruth Haley Barton’s book “Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership” really helped me with that, which I read in January 2015.
It must be good looking back at where you were and seeing where you are now. I don’t remember ever thinking that I deserved anything good from God. I think I’ve always felt that God pulled his grace when I screwed up but I’m realizing that’s more from fear than from faith. Some of us are taking small steps.
Hey do you have any other book recommendations? I’m not in any kind of leadership at church.
Hi Justin, sorry for my delay in getting back to you so late. Another good book recommendation that has helped me a lot with this is “Jesus + Nothing = Everything” by Tullian Tchividjian https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1433507781?ie=UTF8&tag=noafilsblocut-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1433507781
Thanks for the book advice, title sounds great.